“For last year’s words belong to last year’s language. And next year’s words await another voice.” T.S. Elliot

Writer’s Note: Read the first part of my story here.

Fast forward to November 2018. I’ve continued to thrive in my now-not-so-new compliance job. Tim divides his time teaching audiovisual programs and equipment, freelancing, and pouring beers at our favorite local brewery. We adore our home; though it’s not yet perfect, it’s ours and we’re proud of what we’ve done with it. We have a network of local friends who make life fun and who’ve become like family, and a revolving door of much-adored visitors from Arizona. I’ve learned to appreciate the little things, like no longer needing to rely on GPS to get to most places, 9-p.m. summer sunsets, and the brightness of sunshine reflecting off freshly-fallen snow. I’ve found entirely new reasons to love and appreciate my husband. And best of all, we have a sweet baby girl on the way who will join our family in just a few more weeks.

If you had asked me at the beginning of 2018 if I believed I could write so enthusiastically about my life, I would’ve scoffed. Of course, it took work to get here–hard, honest, punch-yourself-in-the-gut type of work. You may or may not call this a success story depending on your interpretation of prosperity. If you’re like me, you’d just call it life: a series of revolving and evolving phases, each with their own story, and generally no right or wrong decisions. But I must say, I’m really digging this chapter. And for what it’s worth, there are several things that helped me elevate myself over the course of a year from a mindset of doubt and fear to one of appreciation and, well, happiness.

The first thing I would attribute a considerable amount of success to is therapy. I’ve seen many different therapists over the last decade. The most important thing I’ve learned is that, short of your own willingness to be open to the lessons that present themselves, it is your relationship with your therapist that will define the success of your therapy. Your ability to connect with her (or, perhaps in your case, him) and her ability to establish trust with you is greater than any amount of credentials she may bring to the table, and I was lucky enough to connect with the very first therapist I sought in Illinois. She is a godsend who, during those first few months, helped me unearth expectations and deep-seated narratives that I didn’t even realize I had. Once apparent, I was able to examine each of these hidden assumptions and beliefs, and consider what their presence suggested about me and my relationships with others. I was then free to consciously choose how to interpret and feel about my circumstances. This allowed me to recreate and re-establish the roles I found myself playing in this new phase of life (wife, soon-to-be mother, and long-distance daughter/sister/friend).

Next, Tim and I have been fortunate enough to establish a network of close friends. Relationship-building has always been a strong skill of his, while I often find myself becoming more and more of a recluse as I get older. (I just really like my bed, books, and cats, okay!) However, we both put in the work to seek out and develop new friendships. When the summer came, living walking distance from a lake gave us countless opportunities to invite friends over to swim, grill, and enjoy the sunshine. When the weather grew cold, we took turns visiting each other’s houses to watch 31 horror movies during the month of October. Over the holidays, we were graciously invited into their homes to partake in their traditions and create some new ones. We are immeasurably thankful for each and every soul who has welcomed us to Illinois and helped this once-foreign place feel like home.

Finally, the last thing I’ll say is this: time leads to routine, and routines provide comfort. Routines make you feel like you’re somewhat in control of your life (despite that all of us are just winging it); however, routines take time to establish. Give it time is often the last expression I wanted to hear when we moved here last year, because it involves being patient and trusting the unknown, two things I am notoriously bad at. However, it’s probably the only piece of advice I received that actually held up. So, for that, I’d like to thank everyone who continually told me, Give it time. You all really did know what you were talking about!

After this particularly challenging, thought-provoking, and beautiful year, I look forward to seeing the adventures the next one holds. These adventures will certainly involve nights deprived of sleep, dirty diapers, and tiny fleece footie pajamas for the smallest baby toes. However, if the last year has taught me anything at all, it is to embrace the new experiences and the unknowns as deeply and thoroughly as the knowns–because the unknowns often bring with them the greatest and most unexpected sources of strength, growth, and joy.